This is the holidays - I want to enjoy the motherfricking holidays with my kids, and family. OK?
***Disclaimer*** [ya in camo, what?]
This post was not written about any ONE person. And I write that sincerely. It is a conglomerate of pressures that added up tonight and I wanted to vent. But I promise, this is not about you. Or you. Or even you - so no worries. I felt the need to say that because I can see several people reading this and thinking it's in regards to a particular conversation or spark. It wasn't. I'm stressed, frustrated, busy, emotionally unstable, but not in the crazy kind of way, just in the tears up at any moment kind of way. That is all.
I do NOT want to mope, cry, STRESS, think, think and over think about crap I can't change - and tonight? Tonight I was overwhelmed by the amount of people who do! This is me: taking the night off, please take any of the above named bullshit elsewhere. Only, I am also reserving this for tomorrow night, too, as I didn't actually get to do THIS until 9 pm.]
I don't even want constructive criticism. I certainly don't want advice - especially the SHIT TON that seems to be heaped on me, on a daily basis. People, really I should say MOST PEOPLE don't understand what they are doing when they start sentences with *You should.....*
Are we really that ignorant as a whole, that we always assume the person talking to us wants to - no, is GRATEFUL to - know what WE think THEY should do. So of course I will tell you, I'm such a good person!
My answer is no, we aren't all that bad. Nor do I really have it in me to be that negative about humanity as a whole. I like to think we're better. I like to think a lot of things are better than they are, though....so there's that.
We all do it, it's a barrier free, equal opportunity offender. But for me, for the most part, it happens when I get really excited about something. Or if I really did think of an idea that I want to share, I probably word it rudely, like that. I started this post truly referencing those that do it AS HABIT. They use "you should" the way I abuse "like," "seriously," and "grammar in general." They shall be called the Yooshooders.
You should put a different muzzle break on that.
You should attach your scope differently.
You should ask for different assignments at work.
You should do everything differently than doing it now.
You should train your dog better. [F YOU, she tries!] [oops, nevermind, knee jerk reaction]
You should put your fist in your mouth so can't speak clearly.
I strive to choose tolerance over confrontation. I like to self reflect as a way to learn and grow. I like to ask certain people about certain things, because THOSE are the people I trust, the opinions I value and understand. I also practice - purposely trying to improve by repetition - my patience, especially if I feel it's ...out of practice.
My family knows me best, obviously, especially my sister, but other than that, there's less than a handful of people, I'd say, that know me well enough to understand THIS about me: I can't stand, and I mean, I probably HATE, naysayers. I just do. Yooshooders are Naysayers with specific opening sentences, but Naysayers, nonetheless.
That will never work.
WHY would you want to do that?
That is such a dumb idea.
It's probably going to rain.
It's never going to happen because whenever I want something, it doesn't happen.
The Lions suck. [YOU SUCK!] [oops, nevermind, knee jerk reaction]
I hate negativity for the sake of being negative - why not just shut the f up and move along? Clearly there are negative circumstances, things, and people - but after you've bitched about it once, does droning on and on and on and on about it really help? I mean, does it help anyone at all? I don't think so. Complaining once or twice? Clearly allowed and clearly normal.
This post, for example is negative - but THIS is a choice - you don't have to read. We aren't in a conversation and if it's bugging you, you can (and SHOULD) read something else. I can vent as *loud* as I want, and have as many people enthralled in listening as I want. (That 2nd part is in my head.)
But the ONE thing - the one damn thing that I cannot stand so bad, it will literally change how I feel about you is INCESSANT ADDICTION TO NEGATIVITY. It affects everything! In my short, young life, I have noticed that people who are incessantly addicted to negativity have several things in common:
- Total and utter lack of awareness regarding their negativity.
- Narcissism - which will make some of my list sound redundant
- Big egos vs large self esteems
- They ALWAYS want you to agree, particularly when complaining. Always.
- Can you BELIEVE she did that???? Isn't that HORRIBLE??? That's horrible, am I right? I'm right, right? [You're really not asking, db]
- 100% committed to THEIR way
- And THIS is where things can go badly. When I am FED UP AND NOT IN THE MOOD - this characteristic is typically the straw that breaks the camel's back and sends me over the edge.
- Which means whatever knowitall told me what I should do probably got an earful.
- Or nothing - I prefer the silent treatment to non-family members.
- It's rarely even helpful. I almost always find myself thinking "no, that is what you want me to do, you didn't even ask me what I might prefer...."
- I ONLY tolerate this from ONE person. (I literally promised myself that, actually, a LONG time ago. And I get irritated. And I get annoyed. Once or twice I have gotten damn near pissed, but I will NEVER *go off* on only one person.) You're all thinking it's you, IT ISN'T.
- Other than that, I strive for patient, patient...patient....ok already...patient.....ALRIGHT I'VE HAD IT. STOP GIVING ME *ADVICE.* Don't assume you know what I'm thinking. Please stop telling me what I should do. Please stop telling me what I've done wrong. You know what? Nevermind, I just erased you from my mind. YOU SHOULD do the same.
I used to think I wasn't a positive person because I complain a lot - but I am writing about a different type of complaining. I complain because I'm an asshole and yearn for lazy, especially when I don't want to do something. But I don't want to hate life, my family, my friends, my job - how do you LIVE if you have NOTHING good, nothing you LIKE?
And I GET IT - we have all been hit in various ways this year. EVERYONE I know was hit with something overwhelming, awful, hard, etc. And IT IS, YES, HARD. Trust me, I GET IT. Work? Work has been tough - that's all I feel is appropriate. And I AM worried, absolutely - not about IF I'll have a job, but what the changes mean for me and my family. More specifically, my bills - but I truly won't know until January. The not knowing is hard - but what is truly hard is HEARING about how awful it is, UNJUST even! Dude, it's business. We work for a corporation that needs to be profitable. Period.
I love my work, I love my job - I don't want ANY of it to change. But I can't control any of that, and I highly doubt the shareholders care about my feelings, either. I don't take it personally.
My kids put up my Christmas tree for me this year. They could tell I was frustrated. I love them so much.
THAT did feel good. I am done for the night. I am not answering calls, voicemails, texts, facebook - NOTHING. That way, I can control the mood around me without distractions beyond my control. I can concentrate on positive things, like my kids. The boy ones, not the gun ones. Although I love them all...
Just sayin'.
