And seeing him in person still hurt like a mother.
Six months... In the 7 years since my divorce, I have always felt like dating - even when nursing a broken heart. In fact, rebounds were good distractions. Sometimes it went well, and a lot of times not. But it was always interesting. And fun.... Even when I did feel heartbroken, I knew it would last for a short time and I would move on. I always did.
But now I'm all like "meh."
I love family life - I love the way a family works together, lives together, laughs together. I like the structure that bigger families inherently need. I always enjoyed THAT aspect of marriage and it's definitely something I would choose for myself: to have a companion in my little, happy family. After all, the more, the merrier.
Yet. I mean, it's not like I'm going to settle. [for very long*] Or expect perfection either. There was an amazing balance of yin and yang with my ex-husband and I could feel that potential with Nate (and very much reciprocated) and if that comes along again, I hope I don't miss it.
[*not a Nate reference.]
I'm so totally blessed to have my boys and I'm surprisingly happy on my own. If it weren't for the fear of one day becoming the crazy cat lady/hermit who writes all day and travels only by herself, I wouldn't at all be concerned at this feeling of contented singledom.
Except for times like tonight. Seeing him made me miss him. I am determined to keep enjoying as many outdoor activities as I can with my boys, including all the new things he taught us - but *shrugs* I'd be lying if I said it was just as good without him. I guess it's just that simple. So...you know, not the end of the world or anything. Just my Tuesday night.
I'm going to concentrate on my kids and my job - they need me the most right now, anyway.
Just sayin' ~ DM