And seeing him in person still hurt like a mother.
Six months... In the 7 years since my divorce, I have always felt like dating - even when nursing a broken heart. In fact, rebounds were good distractions. Sometimes it went well, and a lot of times not. But it was always interesting. And fun.... Even when I did feel heartbroken, I knew it would last for a short time and I would move on. I always did.
But now I'm all like "meh."
I love family life - I love the way a family works together, lives together, laughs together. I like the structure that bigger families inherently need. I always enjoyed THAT aspect of marriage and it's definitely something I would choose for myself: to have a companion in my little, happy family. After all, the more, the merrier.
Yet. I mean, it's not like I'm going to settle. [for very long*] Or expect perfection either. There was an amazing balance of yin and yang with my ex-husband and I could feel that potential with Nate (and very much reciprocated) and if that comes along again, I hope I don't miss it.
[*not a Nate reference.]
I'm so totally blessed to have my boys and I'm surprisingly happy on my own. If it weren't for the fear of one day becoming the crazy cat lady/hermit who writes all day and travels only by herself, I wouldn't at all be concerned at this feeling of contented singledom.
Except for times like tonight. Seeing him made me miss him. I am determined to keep enjoying as many outdoor activities as I can with my boys, including all the new things he taught us - but *shrugs* I'd be lying if I said it was just as good without him. I guess it's just that simple. So...you know, not the end of the world or anything. Just my Tuesday night.
I'm going to concentrate on my kids and my job - they need me the most right now, anyway.
Just sayin' ~ DM
I got nothing DM--I was thinking the harder you look for that lost set of keys or the misplaced coffee cup the further you get away from it. Then when you stop looking and just go on to something else that shit just jumps right out at ya.
ReplyDeletePut his shit on the porch and be done with it, i think, if I understand the separation mechanics of this time he doesn't deserve to see you and you don't need to see him.
Hold onto your family all of them, you got quite a few keepers in that clan babe.