"Actually next week i am going to buy my 2nd pistol (45 M1911) to go with the Mossberg 500/8 pump."
I am staring at you right with the fakest blank look ever, trying to disguise eyes burning with envy, fury, and greed with feigned indifference. I'm wondering: if I stare at you long enough, annoyingly enough or enigmatically enough (I'm alternating) will you just buy TWO, simply to get my thinly veiled envious and near violent eyes off of your new 1911?
[eh? maybe? ok.]
Damn, I am such a badass now that I own guns. Gunsssss - plural. [2 counts.] SUCH a badass!
"What is it about human companionship that once it's not available sends most people into a funk?"
Oh come onnnnnnn [slight whine] I was just feeling like a badass. Just now. Right there. Not even five sentences ago. But: I am so not a badass. I am most definitely a jackass and clearly always a smart ass, but dammitall! Totally not as badass as I wanna be. Because I AM IN A FUNK. I am and I hate it!
But, [and you knew this was coming, I'm sure of it]
FIRST of all, MOST people need, enjoy and benefit greatly from human companionship in so many ways, I don't even want to start to list them because of all the potential tangents that could send me on!
[Sometimes I don't think you read your own writing - writers *smh* [eyeroll]. Because I have read a lot of your stuff and I KNOW you get it.]
Even if we pare it down to the simplest and most blatant benefits: in person conversation being available without much effort. HELP on all kinds of levels is available. Comfort and routines are developed - even mostly separate with conflicting schedules - the comfort of the routine is cool.
If we talk about the other, even better things of companionship, like, laughing with someone, that really starts the funk.
Feeling like you're on a Home Team rather than taking care of a home by yourself was a feeling I hadn't realized I'd enjoy so much. I'd never had it when married, that was all dh. I wanted it with jailbird, but that was ALL me. Nate and I worked together really well. Aside from my sister, he was the best partner in problem solving, errand sharing, and chore splitting that I have ever had.
(Now that's love. Right there.)
So I miss all of that. All the little things that we do and share on a daily basis are just the little things we do, until (cliche) they're not there. I don't even feel silly about it - I feel like "duh, you were happy, you enjoyed living together, OF COURSE you miss it."
I do feel surprised by the depth of the pain and the length of time it's lingering - but, again, I am just trying to tell myself it's normal. Because I know so much about normal.
And now you made me write about it. You knew that was coming...sigh.
Just sayin'.
Yeah me the trickster putting the ideas of your subject matter in your head. Bad ass, maybe, smart ass (goofball) definitely but remember DM we have met--I did the guy thing and looked you're also a flat ass. BUT that aside...
ReplyDeleteThe M1911 is used but it's owned by a US ARMY armorer (gunsmith) if I decide against it--do you want to come and take a look at it? Then at least you'd get to test fire a couple of mags.
We'd talk but you don't answer your phone and i don't text because I like companionship in very small doses, it is a learned trait left over from my childhood. The old lady and I we give each other a lot of room--that's our way that works for us.
Yes DM--I read my own writing AFTER I am done writing it, to edit it, but I don't spend hours typing it after spending hours thinking about it. My writing is more eclectic and less substantial than yours, though no less communicative. What I do is write, let it ferment for a day or three and then go back and shape it, form it, then blog it. The newspaper comments are a different matter those are pure AK47k opinions.
Pain has to be deep for it to heal and be learned from DM, my darling and dear friend. That is all I will say on that matter.