I have to be honest, getting back to writing is a bit overwhelming: I sit, I can't decide where to start, I get distracted, I start browsing gun parts on various different websites, with research links pulled up next to them, and than 2 hours go by and I didn't write a damn thing.
This is day 3.
I'm just....I'm sad. I liked living with Nate, I really liked dating him, and I'm sad that he's not here. He moved out a week and a half ago and I still pick up my phone to tell him something or think his truck is pulling in.
And I don't want to write about ANY of that yet, if ever, so I know part of me is just bound to feel dishonest in whatever I write. The sadness is an unfair shadow that clouds much of my thinking. Or rather - after work and when the boys aren't around, it tends to be clouding my mind and leaving a dull ache, right there in the pit of my stomach. .... blegh ...
Now I find myself staring at the computer on the WORST day of my two week schedule, the only time the yahoos are away 4 days in a row is on dh's weekend. By that Tuesday, [today] I miss them, I start to feel lost, and a restlessness builds up in me. Right up until about 5 minutes after I pick them up - when I'll likely be wanting to drop Riley off on a corner: Tomorrow is also the day when they haven't asked me a question in four days and THEY ALL WANT TO COME OUT IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.
Now, when they get in the car, I call for immediate silence and allow one sentence to be spoken each, every 3 minutes. Riley always fails. ALWAYS. *smh*
But my sister finally posted the DAMNED PICTURES I'd been asking for since Sunday, and I feel like "phew, I don't have to write, I'll picto-graph."
DISCLAIMER:
I do not promote guns per se, nor do I preach self defense - I do not know enough, at all. But I love shooting guns as a sport - like hitting a ball accurately. I absolutely love it. I feel blessed to be learning so much about it that I can teach my kids and my nephews about it. I don't take a political stance one way or the other on gun control (except that I know and follow the laws, otherwise I'd shoot in my backyard...), not because I don't care, but because I'm still learning. Nothing is ever black or white - and this is especially the case when it comes to guns. In my life, however, they are for sport and responsibly maintained.
That is all.
Now look at my nephews and how much fun this is:
Oh wait, this is me. But as usual, I look hot.
"What are you doing, Reese?" "I'm getting ready to shoot that troll that in the tree."
And that is an afternoon at The Pit. And by the way - that stake in the ground with 3 clays on it? I made that. It's a clay tree. I mean, it's a stake with a bunch of brads I had laying around, but I was like "sweet, I can shoot this."
Just sayin'.
What is it about human companionship that once it's not available sends most people into a funk? How does someone external from me become the rails on which the trolley of my life ride? I seriously Sarah do not understand that-- kind of investment. Yes the old lady and I have been together most of 30 years, but never have we been joined at the hip I get so depressed when you're not around types. We do not live for each other, we simply live with 0-10000000000 miles of space between us. No need for permissions or discussions if we do not wish them. You're out ther in the world being you. *meh* nothing more be done or said than that.
ReplyDeleteYou know at first a GUN in the hands of DM was a curious thought, it's cool though, I have no problem with you shooting at the range or having a CPL as long as you know the rules and laws. I never thought I would want one either. Then I never thought I'd be this age and living in a drug infested slum, I am never outside without at least my pistol and yes i have no qualms about using it if the situation merits it. Actually next week i am going to buy my 2nd pistol (45 M1911) to go with the Mossberg 500/8 pump.