By Thursday, I hadn't been shooting in 8 days. Shut up, that's forever. I broke down, called the indoor range, it was open until 9. Hot damn, I was up and packing. I got everything in the trunk, went over the rules (more than once) said I'd be back in an hour and a half and left.
I got to the end of the driveway and had to reverse. I ran in the house, Emerson called down to make sure I was ok. And I said "Yeah, I'm fine, I just forgot my gun." I yanked the box of the counter and my yahoos were SPEED RACING down the steps.
Emmo: Wait, wait, wait!
Me: What? I got it, I'm going....
Emmo: No, wait. Hang on. [starts laughing uncontrollably]
Me: ...yes?
Emmo: So you LOADED UP, you got your car ready, you took your purse, you took your keys -
Me: I see where this is going and shut up -
Emmo: AND YOU ACTUALLY DROVE AWAY, FORGETTING YOUR GUN?! YOU'RE GOING TO THE RANGE, MOM! [laughter, more and more laughter]
Me: Are you done?
Emmo: Not even close! Mom, you're going to shoot your GUN and you took everything else but the actual GUN bwahahahahhahahah OMG mom, you're the best. I love it....
That is went I walked out, with my gun, that wasn't loaded, so there was no temptation to shoot him. I left, shut the door and could STILL hear those 2 assholes laughing at me.
Yep. The house is chock full of assholes. Hands down, no arguing that.
the rest of my weekend.....
I cleaned, I scrubbed, I had numerous cleaning materials on hand, lists upon list. I came home every single day and did chores all week, just to be ready for Bek's debut party.
The mud room looks amazing. Other than paint, it is really only the 2nd room that I feel is *complete.* The other is the downstairs bathroom. I have been wanting to get the entryway of my house looking better, having more storage and actually look, oh, I don't know....presentable???
The party was a great excuse to do it finally. And I love it. When I walk into the much warmer and homier mud room, it feels completely different. It's welcoming and cozy - exactly what I was going for. I didn't destroy anything while installing the curtains, either. Or getting the furniture in by myself. I am back to Lion, roaring away.
I also took the opportunity to have a somewhat relaxing weekend after winter fell in. I enjoyed the clean, crispness of everything. I even washed the moldings and floor boards of the rooms I completed. I WASHED the stairs (not that you can tell) and dusted my glass collection. I love having a super clean place to relax in.
I never actually HAVE it except for when this shit happens: if the party hadn't been canceled, snow and dirt would have been trampled in. If the boys were home, I would have had 5.3 seconds of bliss before the boys' hurricane-like existence destroyed all sense of order. So I had a rare chance to ADMIRE my work, and the sore arms from scrubbing didn't bother me much at all.
Nate continues to be a painful enigma. I am no longer telling anyone any updates, at all, until I KNOW for sure what the fuck goes through his head, what he is doing, why everything went to shit so quickly, why he'd want to come back if he was just going to disappear again....I'm actually worried about him. Not him and I - him.
On a completely unrelated note, I also have started to venture back into the indoor ranges - it was that or not shoot. CQT in Shelby Twp is amazing - the guys there all know me, know that I am learning and trying to improve on my own. They respect me, or at least treat me with respect and I like that. I appreciate other people's opinions, I do. WHEN ASKED.
But every experienced Gun Guy knows what is BETTER for me, what I should GET next, what I NEED, etc. Go away, I didn't ask, and you're being rude. I didn't walk over to YOU and say "hey that's a nice gun. But YOU NEED SOMETHING DIFFERENT. And trust me, I know everything, so I'm right."
Counting my blessings as this happens less and less. I am now meeting really cool people, really fun people. I have met lots of people who treat me as an equal and say things like "I love seeing a girl on the range on her own. More women should try it, it's a lot of fun, even if you don't hunt. I wish my wife/gf/fiance would come with me!" I've volunteered to meet them at the range if they do get their girl out - I would absolutely help recruit more women. That's more women to shoot with, and that's more friends for me that I won't be tempted to date.
That's a win-win, if you ask me.
I miss the yahoos, though. I don't enjoy the quiet as much as I used to. When Nate was here, the house was filled with activity whether or not the boys were home, and I enjoy that. I would trade my days and nights of solitude to have a big family enjoying life up here in Almont with me. I miss the chaotic activity of the summer, it was the best summer of my life. It showed me that I DO want a family living here. This place deserves to be enjoyed by more than just us 3 and the dog.
I won't settle, though. And if that never happens, it never happens. *shrugs* I don't have the energy to put myself *out there* any time soon - I wasn't looking for anything when Nate moved in to rent a room. It just happened.
It will most certainly just happen for me - I know this because God wouldn't have given me glimpses of that sort joy, happiness and peace with someone if he wasn't going to provide it for me. I have that much faith. The boys are 12 and 15 - plenty old enough for me to stay busy with their activities. We have always thrived in the face of challenges - one of us will always say "we can do anything as long as it's us three." And that is so true.
Emerald is encouraging me to be more social, even if I don't want to date - meeting people at the range and engaging them in real conversations is doing wonders for me. It has been a minute since I had that huge circle of support with all of my AA friends in addition to my family. When the shit hit the fan, EVERYONE had to rebuild. I have written about the shock of that before - I didn't realize how much losing an immediate family member CHANGED EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.
I think we are all currently in that process. In January, two years will have passed - it has taken that long for this family to breathe again and truly feel like we're heading in the right direction. My sister clearly will always have the hardest time, and will always be the most affected - but until she started to *regroup* - it was like none of us could, either. We spent a lot time with our breath held in, praying, crying, WANTING more, NEEDING her back. That part was the hardest. It's still a roller coaster for her, but I think she has steadily gotten on smaller and smaller ones.
I'd say I'm excited for what the future holds, but I know it includes snow, so I'm not that excited.
Just sayin, DM.
...And thus us the reason why you are aptly named DM.
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