I thought about throwing the pics that I edited up here as a post and calling it a day, but I want to stay true to the commitment I made to writing. Everyone sees the pics on Facebook anyway and I've been hiding behind them for months - writing-wise.
I always find it the most difficult to focus and write the way I want, when multiple areas in my life become chaotic at once. I'm a mom - I can handle a few disasters at a time, so I mean, when BIG things are going on at once.
This was one of those weeks when just many things came at me at the same time and I kept trying to find the time and energy to focus on writing about any one of them, and I kept failing. By far, one of the the best things I do for myself is good goal-setting: goals with distinct timelines and attainable outcomes - I almost always feel obligated to complete those things. (And no - they are not *action plans*. I am not management. They are not action plans. They are good goals, with details.)
(Thank you, AA for that. Out of the many lessons I learned, accountability was a HUGE one. I will always be grateful. I even feel like I've reached a point where I know how to make goals that I can accomplish with self-guided accountability. It's actually enough for me to say "one hour when the kids aren't home, period." That is a one post, minimum, per week; 2 on non-kid weekends writing schedule.)
Additionally, I inadvertently made my life even BETTER when I started THIS blog because some of the things I want to write about are personal, and not crap I want to share with the world. I just want to write about for myself and maybe the few other writer people that have always read my blogs and I I mean ALWAYS. But through the years, I definitely had to live through enough real life repercussions from my public writing that I have learned when not to hit the button: PUBLISH.
Now I can again - because I can say anything on the private one - and I will keep my thoughts somewhat edited for public consumption on this one.
Some highlights [as in, some light banter that can't get me in trouble or cause any such repercussions, lol] of the past week have been:
- Nate and I are talking - and yes, I mean, talking with some semi-winks. I don't know.
- I had written a bunch more, than deleted it - smh - who really cares about the in-between days? Right? Do I, even? No, not really, it's not really the kind of journey that one wants to over-think, thus write about anyway...so a measly tbd here.
- I gave Bear her first hair cut. I love that little girl. The fact that she runs into my arms and rests her head on my shoulder and doesn't leave my side makes it VERY damn easy to like that kid. The baby? ...I mean, she's adorable and all, but I know when she hits that 6 months mark, I am gonna be all like "OMG, Melody is so much fun to make giggle!"
- Ummm...I'm sure there's more. Hang on.
- I paid off some bills?
Alright, not anything I feel the need to post and advertise, but an hour nonetheless.
*sigh* *deep breath* *draw strength* *early bedtime* *tomorrow is near*
:)
Just sayin'
Ya know DM I saw so many pictures of you with that wee child I had begun to think you had gone through an immaculate conception sort of thing. Now that would be news--earth shaking news.
ReplyDeleteLook darlin' writing anything at all is not a goal, it is just something some people do, Bukowski says if you're struggling with it back away slowly from the keyboard and don't do it.
Myself I am always compelled to write, but I have cut way back on thee doing of it because in my world which is one of a large worldview I am having a hard time wrapping my head around everything that is going on, more than just Paris, but the entire world, that I find it hard to write simply and concisely in poetry what I am feeling.
It sounds as if you are in the same place but trust me it's not a bad place. i check at least every other day to see what your on about--this might be the only comment I make on the blogs today, I haven't posted anything new in about a week or ten days *shrug* it will be there when I write it. Just like this one was here when you got to it.
Finally, Nate is an enigma to us beyond knowing you two were hanging in there and then you weren't--I dunno, it seemed like a good fit because you didn't discuss the relationship on either blog. Maybe that is the sort of thing you should keep 100% up there in corn country without having anyone's opinion or feelings on it other than what you two feel and think.
I am assured that once again you will muddle your way through, you will fall and get up, walk a bit and trip on your own big feet again but one of the things I HIGHLY respect about someone named DM is that you don't fear the getting up part and continuing on. What's it been now, I first checked in with you just prior to dh and you disentangling yourselves legally, what was that five years or so?
You have fucked up some in that time, you were fucked over some in that time, you laughed at some of it, you cried over some of it, but you never stopped going ahead--moving forward. I expect that you will never lose that admirable quality.
If you EVER need to know you are totally and fully accepted and loved, you just think on me, a flawed character who simply has come to love you as you were, are and will be. I don't know why the most easily lovable people are always the last ones to know how well and truly they are loved by so many.
I really like TWM's comment tonight. I really appreciate you, Mark :) I don't have fancy ways to express that at 1:12 am - I am only up because the dog isn't feeling so hot, er hahaha - she's actually in heat, so she's feeling too hot.
ReplyDeleteAnd keeping me up. More on that later.
And it gives me something to post about soon.